★★★★☆
"One time I bought a shirt from them and it was OK."
Made-up Guy, Unemployed
The internet's most average, derivative, obscure and moderately funny t-shirts. Our shirts are hilarious. Some purposefully so!
Proprietors of the site are pretty indifferent to the business altogether. "We've put a lot of work into it, but I'm prety sure it won't go anywhere," says Tenspeed, Third String Shirts' chief designer and self-proclaimed "Monster Back". "So far we've sold nine shirts, but I probably wouldn't wear any of them."
"We tried to put together a good collection of what we thought were just plain cool shirts," says Brownshoe, the other half of Third String Shirts' relatively lethargic duo. "When that didn't work, we resorted to borderline plagiarism and shirts that don't mean anything at all." Brownshoe, who is currently paying the price for getting a Master's degree from a sub-par school by wallowing in unemployment, hopes that the site will be successful enough that he can tell girls that he runs a website without it being an outright lie.
Brownshoe claims that the site's slogan "Shirts for Third Stringers" is meant to appeal to those people who aren't necessarily first stringers or even second stringers. It is also meant to appeal to people who wear t-shirts. Tenspeed is quick to point out, however, that the site is not aimed exclusively at the third string. "You don't have to be a self-proclaimed 'Third Stringer' to shop the site," he says. "I mean, how would we even monitor that?" The site will, however, adhere to its strict policy of not selling shirts to fourth stringers.
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Completely normal reviews from totally real people who we definitely didn't make up.
★★★★☆
"One time I bought a shirt from them and it was OK."
Made-up Guy, Unemployed
★★★★☆
"Commando was a pretty good movie."
Dan Hedaya, Movie Buff
★★★★★
"It's all in the reflexes."
Jack Burton, Truck Driver, Lo Pan Archnemesis
★★★★★
"I can't get enough of these shirts."
Casey Harmon, #1 Customer