Third String Shirts Aims to Sell "Just Plain Shirts", But for the Most Part Fails

The internet's most average, derivative, obscure and moderately funny t-shirts. Our shirts are hilarious. Some purposefully so!

Proprietors of the site are pretty indifferent to the business altogether. "We've put a lot of work into it, but I'm prety sure it won't go anywhere," says Tenspeed, Third String Shirts' chief designer and self-proclaimed "Monster Back". "So far we've sold nine shirts, but I probably wouldn't wear any of them."

"We tried to put together a good collection of what we thought were just plain cool shirts," says Brownshoe, the other half of Third String Shirts' relatively lethargic duo. "When that didn't work, we resorted to borderline plagiarism and shirts that don't mean anything at all." Brownshoe, who is currently paying the price for getting a Master's degree from a sub-par school by wallowing in unemployment, hopes that the site will be successful enough that he can tell girls that he runs a website without it being an outright lie.

Brownshoe claims that the site's slogan "Shirts for Third Stringers" is meant to appeal to those people who aren't necessarily first stringers or even second stringers. It is also meant to appeal to people who wear t-shirts. Tenspeed is quick to point out, however, that the site is not aimed exclusively at the third string. "You don't have to be a self-proclaimed 'Third Stringer' to shop the site," he says. "I mean, how would we even monitor that?" The site will, however, adhere to its strict policy of not selling shirts to fourth stringers.

Start Browsing

Our Uniform Colors

Orange for chaos. Blue for fake professionalism.

Orange #F18F1C Blue #0D6FB8

How We Sell

Products and checkout are fulfilled through Spreadshirt. We built this custom storefront so the brand doesn’t look like a default template from 2009.

Social

Follow the nonsense on X.

Testimonials

Completely normal reviews from totally real people who we definitely didn't make up.